One Male Social Scientists Perspective
By Michael Nelinson
07/21/2026

As a social scientist I have always been keenly sensitive to women’s issues, especially those that are under-discussed in society.  My unique perspective has a great deal to do with my upbringing that featured a grandmother who was an OB-GYN and a GP, the only pediatrician I ever had, and my mother member of NOW, (The National Organization for Women) who was uniquely concerned with raising her only son to rise above the patriarchal male model and be an architype modern male.  My mother had rather unique ideas about masculinity, she appreciated men who were physically powerful, athletic and masculine, but also appreciated intellect, culture and decorum.  My father was a strong masculine figure, a navy veteran and a powerlifter who bench pressed over 500 lbs., yet he lacked the other aspects of her model.  In truth my father was a dyed in the wool patriarchal male, who couldn’t cook, or clean and never did a stitch of laundry in his life.  He would have fit well in what the media refers to as the manosphere. Sadly, mom suffered for it, but this her only offering, and today possibly still is if you want a strong man.

Educating Michael
The critical question that one must ask themselves is how do we teach the next generation of men to extend beyond the stereotypes, fostering greater happiness for both partners?  Given that mothers are responsible for most of the socialization of values in the home, they should be the ones working to fix the heteronormative inequality that we see accepted in society.  My socialization featured a father who was an extreme example of masculinity, so I was expected to play sports and began weight training at the age of thirteen.  I will admit that the younger version of myself was gruffer, a little more crude and more than a little macho.  People learn from what they see, and I learned. Yet my mother made it clear, from a young age, I was expected to be  in the kitchen to help with cooking, I had to do my own laundry from the age of ten, help with housework, and she made the message clear that there was no such thing as women’s work or men’s work.  I am a very good cook, and I have never let a woman do my laundry, I am fussy.  From a very young age I was expected to open the door for my mother and other women, say please and thank you, and most importantly treat women as equals.  Go figure, I have always had many more female friends than male. 

Her lessons laid a functional groundwork for an education that extended into the critical area of human sexuality.  My mother and I were avid readers, I consumed all of her college textbooks, including the complete works of Shakespeare and American history, along with The Pirate by Harold Robbins, a male oriented romance novel, The Happy Hooker series by Xaviera Hollander, Once is not Enough, by Jacqueline Susann and other steamy adult lit. My reading list fostered a better understanding of romance that has served me well.  It’s humorous, I think I read The Pirate and Crime and Punishment at the same time.  When I was roughly 14 my mother came into my room and handed me a book that was given to her by my aunt Cheryl.  Cheryl was the younger, feminist, flower power sibling and she apparently was concerned that my mother was getting the most out of sex.  The book was a first edition, “Women Our Bodies Ourselves,” a book written for women, by women that teaches women how to keys to maximize their own sexual pleasure.  This was a time when there were academic studies trying to prove that women could enjoy sex.  Mom looked at me and asked, “Michael do you like girls,” I couldn’t tell her about my daily ritual of stealing my dad’s Hustler and Oui magazines, so I answered, yes mom.  She told me to study the book cover to cover, use the teachings and I would be a unique commodity to any woman who was lucky enough to “know” me. Thank you, mom there are many who owe you a debt of gratitude! She followed this up by handing me a copy of The Hite Report, a book that explained a 1000-page scientific research paper on female sexuality, using women’s own words.  It was groundbreaking in its expansiveness given the topic and provided real world knowledge of women’s sexuality. These two books helped me to develop a personal philosophy of sexuality, long before I lost my virginity.

Sexual Stratification and Inequality
If my mother had the awareness that men could be groomed to be a better partner and lover, it is imperative that we look at the factors that have prevented men and women from being on the same page sexually.  In my time being a single man, I have dated intentionally while trying to find the right partner and have discovered that many women have only experienced men who believed it was alright to take care of their needs sexually, while never attending to their partners.  I’m aghast, but wham bam thank you mam, is a real thing! Consider that I am in an upscale demographic, where one would think that equality and liberalism would have made it to the bedroom?  If that is not appalling enough, I once dated a highly educated Sikh woman: she was lovely, bright and elegant, but the first time I went to kiss her she stopped me, stating that she had never really been kissed.  Yes, she had been married and had two kids! If our culture is bad, I am sure that there are many that are worse.  There seem to be a multitude of woman who do not get to celebrate their sexuality with their partners.  The downstream effects of our lack of equality and awareness are notable and scary.  I have discovered that there are many women who have abandoned their sexuality after their child-bearing years.  If you never learned that sex can be pleasant and fulfilling, why should they bother, and it is readily apparent that they have never had a partner who was knowledgeable enough or cared enough to change their mind.

The Problem of Power

I recently wrote an article that asked the question, “Are You Doomed to be a Tradwife,” where I examined the factors within our socialization that places women at an inferior role in the household.  These problems historically connect to the rampant patriarchalism that is sewn into the tapestry of our society.  Apparently, men are allowed to use women as objects and only male orgasms matter.  If any conscious men should read this article, I will take a moment to discuss a philosophical point made by Frederich Nietzsche in his work “The Will to Power.”  Power can be manifested through two primary modalities, force or benevolence. Most men’s de-facto mode of achieving power is though force, but Nietzsche makes it perfectly clear that if you really want power benevolence is more powerful. (don’t you wish that people had picked up on this) From a psychological perspective, much of our group behavior is based upon reciprocal altruism, or you do for me and I will do for you: benevolence is an extension of reciprocal altruism. Tying this back to my mother’s methodology, if you want a woman to be an awesome sexual partner, show her you care about her pleasure and take care of her before you take care of yourself.  Men, if you are reading this and are confused, I suggest you stop watching porn and read the books I mentioned above.  A final note on this point, if you are a sexually active male and you have not discovered that a woman can orgasm exponentially more times than you can, you need to radically update your knowledge: her capacity, if you embrace it, nets you reciprocal power in the bedroom, and she will be most grateful!

The Social Problem

While patriarchalism appears to be the low hanging fruit, that keeps women from having a partnership that embraces their sexual pleasure, there is another issue that needs to be dealt with before levying the blame entirely on men, our sexual norms.  In our society Judeo-Christian values are deeply embedded within our psychological relationship with sexuality.  How many men feel guilty masturbating due to the religious dogma that says don’t spill your seed, I assure you it’s statistically relevant.  In the same vein, how is it that women can emancipate themselves from dogma, if sex can only be discussed in a whisper, and parents are uncomfortable talking to their children about sex in an open and scientific manner.  The repression is so bad that many women have never discovered the “Joy of Sex,” the title of another 70’s book that I was given by my mother, since they were not taught that it is their right to learn how their own bodies work and show their partner what they need sexually. After my divorce, I met a lovely, divorced woman who had two kids: the first time that we were intimate, she burst out in tears after having an orgasm.  I recoiled and asked her if I did something wrong, she explained that though she had been married for twenty years, she had never had an orgasm.  She had a strong religious upbringing and never learned to pleasure herself and basically accepted that a man was supposed to hop on and do their thing. Her sex life was thirty seconds of obligatory submission. Feminism- if you really want to be equal make your sexual pleasure and that of your daughters a priority and “Take the Power Back!” (Tom Morello, Rage Against the Machine)

Conclusion

I really think that the world would be a better place if we move on from our antiquated, embedded biases about sexuality and learn about “Our Bodies Ourselves,” and project that knowledge to our children, as my mother did with me.  We drink alcohol and smoke pot in the attempt to remove some of the angst that is part of the human condition, while our body comes with a built-in rewards system that has none of the downsides of better living through chemistry.  Additionally, I am willing to bet that we might even be nicer to one another since the neurochemicals involved in sex help to promote bonding and make us happier individuals. We like our partners more when we have a strong equitable sexual connection. Parents teach your children well; you are supporting the happiness of future generations.

Books Mentioned and Explanatory Resources